We modestly offer sex advice consisting of short alphabetical pieces. We aim to improve your sex life. Each article includes at least two positive and two negative suggestions, based on words that you never thought were sexy. Review these proposals and schemes before closing your door on the way out, and once again before opening your zipper on the way in.
Early. The early bird gets the worm. If you can do it early then you still have a chance at another round that evening. Of course we mean with the same partner. What were you thinking? Early to bed, early to rise...
Effort. Make the effort. What can you lose? Not much besides a put down, a punch in the mouth, a slap from his or her partner, or a sexually transmitted disease. The list goes on. Think positively. Make the effort. What's a little put down? Don't go after someone who is presently attached. Use a condom, guys. Make sure he uses a condom, gals. Make the effort.
Feeling. Show your feelings. And feel what's showing, and what's not showing. You don't have to go around singing Morris Albert's 1975 pop hit. If you do you will be in good company including Ella Fitzgerald (does Gerald fit Ella?), Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, and Sarah Vaughan. I hesitate to suggest that you don't sing. Do what you do best. Feelings.
Fact. Does anybody here remember Jack Webb as Sgt. Joe Friday of the Los Angeles Police Department in Dragnet saying, "Just the facts ma'am"? What about that old joke, "Did you hear what happened to Helena Rubenstein?" "No" "Max Facked Her (Max Factor.)" Stick to the facts but you are allowed to embellish them once in a while.
And now for some things to avoid.
Endurance. Make it last. But the sex act or acts are not an endurance contest. Don't go for a personal best against the clock and in all likelihood against your partner's wishes. Otherwise you may find that he or she can no longer endure you.
Fake. I guess if you stick to the facts you can't fake it. What about going half way, moaning but not groaning? Or was it groaning but not moaning? That the trouble with faking it, you have to work hard to remember what you said and what you did. And watch yourself in some delicatessens where not only the Mock Turtle Soup is fake.
Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine wine, eat fine food, and enjoy life. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. Among his many web sites he is particularly proud of his new site celebrating all kinds of love including physical love at http://www.sexsexesex.com. You will find a wide range of jokes, articles, and quotes devoted to various aspects of sex and a great collection of photos. If you don't know French, enjoy the translations. Check out his global wine website at http://www.theworldwidewine.com with his new weekly column reviewing $10 wines.
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